Month: February 2005

The Way Back Machine

I’ve just stumbled across The Way Back Machine – an incredible archive of 30 billion web pages going way back to 1996.

My first crap attempt at a website mercifully isn’t included…

Amazingly, some of the sites I used to run in my first web job are on here… I haven’t seen some of them in ages… internet nostalgia !!

Check out the BBC from 1997, or Microsoft from 1996, or Yahoo from 1997…

British Museum

Went to the British Museum yesterday.

What a truly wonderful place.

The collection is just stunning. There are exhibits devoted to almost every civilisation in history.

You can wander freely, gazing at ancient Chinese porcelain, Hindu carvings, African masks, Native American totems, Ancient Egyptian treasures, Greek statues, Persian friezes, Burmese gems, Roman jewellery. You name it, it’s there. Fantastic. The amazing thing is… it’s free. You can just walk in off the street.

The Egyptian mummies were strangely errie, The Elgin Marbles sensational and the Rosetta Stone fabulous. We must’ve spent two hours there and barely scratched the surface.

The new Great Court is a wonderful addition and the restored Reading Room a national treasure. I remember doing some research in there 12 or so years ago and it was a dusty and archaic place. Now, it’s fresh and clean.

Also, took a series of photos on Faces at the British Museum, which I think I’ll add to over time.

Charles and Camilla

So Charles and Camilla are going to wed. About time. Some will whinge and whine. But, overall it’s a good thing. Why shouldn’t they…

It must be a terrible destiny to spend your life confined in a royal cage of protocol and endless duty. Charles must have had some really dark moments. I guess all the royals have at some point. In those circumstances, personal happiness must make all the difference.

Desperate tabloids will kick up a fuss to boost their declining sales, but, in the end, no one would want an unhappy man on the throne denied the woman he loves…

The Clergy will also worry and fret at the prospects of a divorced man as Supreme Governor of the Church of England. They can’t complain too much… The Church of England was, after all, founded on a monarch’s desire to marry again ! Charles only wants to remarry once… Henry VIII famously had 6 wives !

So, enough of the fuss. Let them get on with it !

London Zoo

London ZooWent to London Zoo today. What a fantastic place. The animals are just amazing. In the space of an afternoon we saw lions, tigers, giraffes, Malayan tapirs, okapis, Arabian oryx, bongos, hogs, leopards, penguins, fish, snakes, scorpions, frogs, spiders, lizards, gorillas, chimpanzees, gibbons, spider monkeys, Sulawesi macaques, lemurs, marmosets, sloths, elephant shrews, insects a plenty, bats, otters, meerkats, bearded pigs and much, much more.

For me the gorillas and chimpanzees were the highlight. Incredible creatures. So like us in so many ways. We spent a while just watching them eat, scratch, yawn, stretch and go about their business. By a stroke of luck we were there at feeding time. The large male gorilla could hear the zoo keeper rattling buckets and moved over by the little feeding door. To our amazement he impatiently knocked on the door a couple of times. I could have sat there and watched them all day. So amazing…

The chimps were fascinating too. They look you straight in the eye and have such human gestures. A little sign warned that one of them gets bored sometimes and throws his shit at unsuspecting visitors…!

The snakes and spiders had a strange fascination. Huge boa constrictors as thick as a man’s leg, deadly vipers, brightly coloured tree snakes, spitting cobras and venomous rattlers. They had such cold merciless eyes. The spiders were huge, hairy and terrible. My God, they even had one that eats birds !!!

All the animals, especially the larger ones, had a grim sense of confinement and despair. The tigers paced desperately and the gorillas and chimps seemed listless and apathetic. It was a sad sight to see magnificent creatures held captive. But, when you read about the breeding programmes, conservation work and just how threatened some of the species are, you understand why.

After the zoo, we headed to Chinatown to see the Chinese New Year decorations and have a slap up meal. Stocked up on essentials in the Chinese supermarket and back for seriously scrummy pancakes (albeit a day late !). We even managed to invent a fabulous new banana pancake recipe… heat chopped bananas in a little water with brown sugar. Add vanilla essence and serve in a pancake with chocolate sauce and cream….mmmmmmm !!!!

del.icio.us

Right, I’m gonna have a crack at getting del.icio.us up and running for my linklog on here… automation is definitely the way forward.

I’m hopeless with code and am very much from the hack it, swear at it, steal it school of programming. Ok, here goes, if this site suddenly falls over, you’ll know why ! Wish me luck…

Jewish humour

I’ve always loved Jewish humour.

Dunno why, it just cracks me up.

It’s barbed, funny and frequently outrageous.

Comics like Jackie Mason and Mel Brooks have made a career out of it.

Not being Jewish, I don’t get some it… but it still makes me laugh. Something to do with the delivery, timing, dismissive wave of the hand and incredulous expression.

Some fabulous Yiddish words have filtered through to the English language too. Fantastically expressive and funny words which, for me, are made even better by a strong New York Jewish accent.

Words like chutzpah, klutz, mishmash, nosh, schlock, schmaltz (a particular favourite), schmo, schmooze (another favourite), shmuck (my all time favourite) and shtum. There’s a fantastic ‘ssshhh’ sound which make them so expressive and rich.

Ok, so here’s a few classic Jewish jokes and quotes to liven things up a bit… enjoy !

A Protestant Minister and a Catholic Priest enjoyed teasing their Rabbi friend, continually asking him when he was going to convert to their religion. When the Holidays rolled around, the Rabbi sent them the following card:

“Season’s Greetings!
Roses are reddish,
Violets are bluish;
When the Messiah comes,
you’ll wish you were Jewish!!“

Gore and Dan Quayle were in New Hampshire campaigning. In the spirit of bi-partisanship they shared an airplane between campaign stops. On the plane with them were the Archbishop of New Hampshire and the Lubavitcher rabbi.

As they crossed the White Mountains the plane lost power and the pilot bailed out. The remaining four quickly counted parachutes and found only three.

Gore shouted, “I’m the Vice President. I have to survive!” grabbed a ‘chute and jumped. Dan Quayle shouted, “I’m the only hope for the Republican party and I have to survive!”, grabbed a ‘chute and jumped.

The Archbishop turned to the rabbi and said, “Rabbi, I am an old man. I am not married and have fathered no children. Take the last parachute and save yourself.”

The Lubavitcher rabbi replied, “Fear not, Father, there are two chutes left. Dan Quayle jumped with my tallis and tefillin.”

“Let me tell you the one thing I have against Moses. He took us forty years into the desert in order to bring us to the one place in the Middle East that has no oil!” – Golda Meir

Most Texans think Hanukkah is some sort of duck call. – Richard Lewis

I once wanted to become an atheist but I gave up . . . they have no holidays. – Henny Youngman

God will pardon me. It’s His business. – Heinrich Heine

I have enough money to last me the rest of my life unless I buy something. – Jackie Mason

Too bad that all the people who know how to run this country are busy driving taxis and cutting hair. – George Burns

Liberals feel unworthy of their possessions. Conservatives feel they deserve everything they’ve stolen. – Mort Sahl

A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours. – Milton Berle