Tag: funny stuff

Brits abroad

AI version of Brits abroad with their full English breakfasts.

An unflattering caricature, but not without a grain of truth.

Love the fact that they are on holiday, but look so unhappy ! The union jack hats poke fun at a particular type of backward-looking, Brexit-voting Brit abroad ! Very funny.

Yikes…. Camel Spiders

Yikes, yikes, yikes !

These are camel spiders.

Found in the Iraqi desert by US troops. Apparently one of them crawled into a soldier’s sleeping bag !!!

The thought of one of these monsters crawling up your leg…

I have encountered one of these nasties.

The summer after I left school, I went to Egypt. Our group camped out at an oasis in the western desert. We pitched our tents right next to a deep spring and swam and washed in the clear water. One of the girls put her towel over the apex of the tent to dry. Overnight the towel fell onto the sand.

The next morning we were woken by a terrible scream. She picked up the towel to find a huge camel spider sheltering underneath. We were all out of our tents in a flash to see the beast scurrying off across the sand.

It was massive.

I remember feeling weak at the knees that such a huge spider had been prowling around.

We were sleeping under canvas with open flaps and anything could have crawled in.

Could there be more ?

In shoes, sleeping bags, pockets or rucksacks ?

Had we pitched up on a colony of the things ? Was this the first of many ?

We were all shocked at the size of the thing and it soon turned into a nervy game with the boys frightening the girls with a shriek here and a thrown towel there.

We gingerly searched our stuff, but never saw another one.

Thank god it was morning. Thank god we were moving on…

Another night in the desert surrounded by camel spiders would not have been fun.

We laughed about it later…

yikes……!!!!!!

Here’s a creepy story from the Australian Quarantine Inspection Service in Adelaide. It’s true too !!!

A bloke and his family were on holidays in the United States and went to Mexico for a week. An avid cactus fan, the man bought a one-metre high, rare and expensive cactus there. On arrival back home Australian Customs said it must be quarantined for 3 months.

He finally got his cactus home and planted it in his backyard, and over time it grew to about 2 metres. One evening while watering his garden after a warm spring day, he gave the cactus a light spray. He was amazed to see the plant shiver all over, he gave it another spray and it shivered again. He was puzzled so he rang the council who put him on to the state gardens people.

After a few transfers he got the state’s foremost cactus expert who asked him many questions: How tall is it? Has it flowered? etc.

Finally, he asked the most disturbing question. “Is your family in the house?”

The bloke answered yes.

The cactus expert said get out of the house NOW, get on to the front nature strip and wait for me, I will be there in 20 minutes.

Fifteen minutes later, 2 fire trucks, 2 police cars and an ambulance came screaming around the corner.

A fireman got out and asked “Are you the bloke with the cactus?”

I am, he said.

A guy jumped out of the fire truck wearing what looked like a space suit, a breathing cylinder and mask attached to what looked like a scuba backpack with a large hose attached. He headed for the backyard and turned a flame-thrower on the cactus spraying it up and down.

After a few minutes the flame-thrower man stopped, the cactus stood smoking and spitting, half the fence was burnt and parts of the gardens were well and truly scorched. Just then the cactus expert appeared and laid a calming hand on the bloke’s shoulder.

“What the hell’s going on?” he says.

“Let me show you” says the cactus man. He went over to the cactus and picked away a crusty bit. The cactus was almost entirely hollow and filled with tiger striped bird-eating tarantula spiders, each about the size of two hand spans.

The story was that this type of spider lays eggs in this type of cactus and they hatch and live in it as they grow to full size. When full size they release themselves.

The cactus just explodes and about 150 dinner plate sized hairy spiders are flung from it, dispersing everywhere. They had been ready to pop.

The aftermath was that the house and the adjoining houses had to be vacated and fumigated: police tape was put up outside the whole area and no one was allowed in for two weeks.

click here to see what one of the bastards looks like sitting on a full size dinner plate…..yikes !!

The Office

Just watched the classic episode of The Office where David Brent does the dance.

Absolutely hysterical !

The Office is such a good series, genuinely funny and terribly cringe-making.

Spent half an hour screaming with laughter and hiding behind my hands with horror at their antics.

Brent is such a twat and the rest are geeks and losers. But, put them all together and you’ve got a winning recipe for laughs.

Excellent, I want more…..

Can’t wait for the one-off at Christmas.